I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
