Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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