We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
