I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
