I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
