Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
