Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
