I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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