Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
