I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
