Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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