I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
