I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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