i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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