think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
