Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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