Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
