yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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