Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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