Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
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You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
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words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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