I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Come share oat with me in your robe
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize