Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
