Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
