Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
