I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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