my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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