Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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