I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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