Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.