Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?