thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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