Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.