So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself