I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize