I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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