she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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