I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
