ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
