i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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