I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
