Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
