literally had 100 drinks last night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
