I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is the high leading the old right now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
