so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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