when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize