I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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