Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
