Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
