id be glad to
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i drank out of a bidet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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