I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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