i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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