I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am never drinking with the goths again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
