dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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