I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
