The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The uberlube is also flammable
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize