I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
