you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize