She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
