worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
